Consider the sandwich. Two slices of bread with an infinite variety of possible fillings in between. If you need one word to describe a sandwich (apart from 'sandwich' of course), I would pick convenience. Easy to make and easy to pack, it is also extremely easy to handle and eat. Well, it should be. I rejoice when I see a well-constructed sandwich. You would have seen boxed sandwiches in some stores, cut into perfect triangles revealing what's inside. They do live up to the name 'sandwich'. But this is not the norm everywhere.
The other day I got a sandwich from a local deli. When I opened the wrapping, the thing practically sprang open like an over-packed suitcase whose latch had failed. I had a hard time locating the ends of the sandwich and struggled to pick it up.
Why do people think that a sandwich should be so big? Ideally, the filling should not exceed a slice in thickness, maybe a little more. When you have a sandwich that is a foot high, you can barely pick it up much less bite into it (unless you are an elephant).
It requires you to open your mouth wide as if you are sitting in a dentist's chair (a particularly unpleasant thought while eating) and not at the dining table. You know there is trouble when they put a stake (with colored plastic paper wrapped around the ends for decoration) through the sandwich to hold it together. This is insane.
Most people are afraid to open their mouths so wide that they start nibbling at the sandwich from the ends. As you juggle with the sandwich this way, a lot of the good stuff inside is spilling out. As you pick it up and take a bite at one end, out goes a slice of cucumber or tomato from the other end. The mashed avocado meanwhile is seeping out on all sides coating your fingers. Ditto for mustard and mayonnaise. Even if you manage to take a bite from the center, it is bound to fill your mouth completely and render it impossible to actually move the jaws. You just resign to eating a deconstructed sandwich by this time which is to say you reach for the fork and knife.
Enough. I say it is time to regulate the sandwich.
First of all, the bread slice ideally should be a square or at least have some regular shape. There is all sorts of great tasting bread with loaves that unfortunately are so oddly shaped that they are not suited for making sandwiches. It is impossible to cut two matching slices out of these loaves. So let us stick to square slices. Next, the slice should be big enough so that the things that go into the sandwich fit comfortably and not hang out. If I put a slice of cheese in it, I don't want it half in and half out. What goes into the sandwich must stay inside.
The bread should be strong enough so that it does not become soggy when various condiments and vegetables are added. Most of the supermarket breads are so soft that they have no structure and are completely useless. Just add one slice of tomato and the bread practically turns into mush. Even if it does not, when you pick up the sandwich the lower slice starts sagging and separating from the top letting the fillings spill out. But while the bread should be capable of holding its structural integrity, trying to use liquid dressings in a sandwich is simply madness. Yet some delis persist in offering oil and vinegar as toppings to their sandwiches.
Finally, there is no such thing as an open-faced sandwich. I mean it is an oxymoron. It is like a one-legged trouser. It is an affront to the very definition of sandwich and what the word has come to mean. It takes two slices of bread to make a sandwich, period. Without the second slice, you do not have a sandwich. You just have a slice with stuff piled on top. You do not have half a sandwich either in case some smart aleck thinks so. You get a half sandwich by cutting through a whole sandwich.
So there you have it. Simple rules for the sandwich which I am sure the 4th Earl of Sandwich who is credited with having invented the sandwich (which now bears his name - well technically the name of the place Sandwich and not his name, John Montagu) would have heartily approved.
Large Sandwich Image Courtesy: http://www.clipartpanda.com/clipart_images/nutritious-hot-lunch-sale-3801628
English Sandwich Image Courtesy: GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html)], from Wikimedia Commons
The other day I got a sandwich from a local deli. When I opened the wrapping, the thing practically sprang open like an over-packed suitcase whose latch had failed. I had a hard time locating the ends of the sandwich and struggled to pick it up.
Why do people think that a sandwich should be so big? Ideally, the filling should not exceed a slice in thickness, maybe a little more. When you have a sandwich that is a foot high, you can barely pick it up much less bite into it (unless you are an elephant).
Most people are afraid to open their mouths so wide that they start nibbling at the sandwich from the ends. As you juggle with the sandwich this way, a lot of the good stuff inside is spilling out. As you pick it up and take a bite at one end, out goes a slice of cucumber or tomato from the other end. The mashed avocado meanwhile is seeping out on all sides coating your fingers. Ditto for mustard and mayonnaise. Even if you manage to take a bite from the center, it is bound to fill your mouth completely and render it impossible to actually move the jaws. You just resign to eating a deconstructed sandwich by this time which is to say you reach for the fork and knife.
Enough. I say it is time to regulate the sandwich.
First of all, the bread slice ideally should be a square or at least have some regular shape. There is all sorts of great tasting bread with loaves that unfortunately are so oddly shaped that they are not suited for making sandwiches. It is impossible to cut two matching slices out of these loaves. So let us stick to square slices. Next, the slice should be big enough so that the things that go into the sandwich fit comfortably and not hang out. If I put a slice of cheese in it, I don't want it half in and half out. What goes into the sandwich must stay inside.
The bread should be strong enough so that it does not become soggy when various condiments and vegetables are added. Most of the supermarket breads are so soft that they have no structure and are completely useless. Just add one slice of tomato and the bread practically turns into mush. Even if it does not, when you pick up the sandwich the lower slice starts sagging and separating from the top letting the fillings spill out. But while the bread should be capable of holding its structural integrity, trying to use liquid dressings in a sandwich is simply madness. Yet some delis persist in offering oil and vinegar as toppings to their sandwiches.
Finally, there is no such thing as an open-faced sandwich. I mean it is an oxymoron. It is like a one-legged trouser. It is an affront to the very definition of sandwich and what the word has come to mean. It takes two slices of bread to make a sandwich, period. Without the second slice, you do not have a sandwich. You just have a slice with stuff piled on top. You do not have half a sandwich either in case some smart aleck thinks so. You get a half sandwich by cutting through a whole sandwich.
So there you have it. Simple rules for the sandwich which I am sure the 4th Earl of Sandwich who is credited with having invented the sandwich (which now bears his name - well technically the name of the place Sandwich and not his name, John Montagu) would have heartily approved.
Large Sandwich Image Courtesy: http://www.clipartpanda.com/clipart_images/nutritious-hot-lunch-sale-3801628
English Sandwich Image Courtesy: GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html)], from Wikimedia Commons
5 comments:
The bard of San Diego rises to the level of Shakespeare. And I cry, "Bravo. Bravo!"
Delightful! Good chefs do seem to have rules for this sort of thing. A recent issue of the Costco mag had tips from chefs for making good burgers. One of them was to ensure that the patty was no thicker than each bun slice. How I wish more people followed that simple rule! I suspect that a lot of people put up with the inconvenience of bulging sandwiches because they are happy with getting more for their money. No cure for that I suppose...
Yet another tasty post. There are variations of sandwich like crispy and toasted sandwich that address some of the plain sandwich concerns.
No one can better describe a sandwich
than an engineer.Devoid of structural integrity it is a nuisance to handle.
Well written Kandu.keep blogging with ur interesting narrations.
As with every piece of yours, this one too lives up to your very high standards. A delightful article indeed.
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