One of the perks or, I should say, irks (I am probably coining a new noun here) of life today is the unending stream of junk mail we receive. I have mentioned this in one of my previous posts and if you are a regular reader you know where I stand with regards to such mail. I usually throw them in the trash or in a pile to be shredded in case it has name, address and other personal details. This means that I have to at least glance at the envelope before deciding where it goes.
Years ago, Publishers Clearing House used to send out mailers that made it appear that you have won a lottery. It would have the name printed with words like 'pay to' and big numbers with dollar signs attached to them. On closer examination, you found out that it was an invitation to participate in a sweepstakes and not an announcement of winning. I think they have moved online now entirely, but the first time you received such a mail you were bound to be fooled into thinking you had won. Instead of actually winning, you had the opportunity to have a 1-in-10 million chance of winning. What a let down!
Nowadays, the weeding process is swift and I rarely hesitate to see if I should actually open the envelope before tossing it. Occasionally something catches my eye and I open the mail. This does not usually change their fate, but one such envelope recently made me sit up. The fact that it has both 'Free' and Pre-paid' as adjectives to an offer was only part of the reason. The envelope in question was rather plain and beige-coloured, hardly flashy. It was properly addressed but I was not to be fooled that easily. At the left-hand bottom corner, it said, 'Free Pre-Paid Cremation! Details Inside'. How could one resist that?
'Live free or die' said someone. I would advise you to make the most of living free because dying seems to be quite expensive. For those who bury their dead, reserving a plot or a place in a cemetery will be quite important. The availability of plots may be limited in urban areas considering the demand for land. They can be quite expensive too. I am sure advance planning is critical if you have a specific location in mind. At the same time, I have to say that advertisements for plots - "Set on a grassy knoll overlooking a small lake", "Gorgeous trees", "Serene and peaceful with beautiful views" and so on leave me puzzled. I do not see how this is of importance to the departed souls.
The cost associated with burials has given the idea of cremation a boost. And that explains the marketing flyer in my mailbox. A free funeral is certainly valuable in saving money for the family. But how can something be free and pre-paid at the same time? I was intrigued. It is not that one expects logic from such offers. I have seen snack packages that ask you to enter a contest/lottery to win big prizes with the additional phrases 'No purchase necessary' and 'Details inside'. So something like this is par for the course. Still, I wondered how a company would go about trying to get people to buy cremation services. This one succeeded at least in making me open the letter,
The letter talked about why cremation is a better solution than burial - cheaper, less impact on environment, and portable - you can keep the dear departed in an urn on the mantle and take them with you if you move across the country. No need to visit the grave to remember them. And so on. This funeral company invited me to register to win a pre-paid cremation. In other words, 'Sign up and if we pick your name, we will cremate you for free'.
I have to say that they managed to strike the delicate balance required in the tone in the letter. But the accompanying form which invited me to register with them and WIN a pre-paid cremation was disturbing. There was check box with this (and I am not making this up):
All in all, I can definitely say that I got some entertainment out of the grave mailer. The entirely novel idea of pre-need cremation, even if it sounds macabre, gave me a good laugh. Laughter, as the saying goes, is the best medicine and we can use every bit of help to postpone pre-need or post-need cremations. I can also say that in this instance the laugh was delivered both free and pre-paid.
Years ago, Publishers Clearing House used to send out mailers that made it appear that you have won a lottery. It would have the name printed with words like 'pay to' and big numbers with dollar signs attached to them. On closer examination, you found out that it was an invitation to participate in a sweepstakes and not an announcement of winning. I think they have moved online now entirely, but the first time you received such a mail you were bound to be fooled into thinking you had won. Instead of actually winning, you had the opportunity to have a 1-in-10 million chance of winning. What a let down!
Nowadays, the weeding process is swift and I rarely hesitate to see if I should actually open the envelope before tossing it. Occasionally something catches my eye and I open the mail. This does not usually change their fate, but one such envelope recently made me sit up. The fact that it has both 'Free' and Pre-paid' as adjectives to an offer was only part of the reason. The envelope in question was rather plain and beige-coloured, hardly flashy. It was properly addressed but I was not to be fooled that easily. At the left-hand bottom corner, it said, 'Free Pre-Paid Cremation! Details Inside'. How could one resist that?
'Live free or die' said someone. I would advise you to make the most of living free because dying seems to be quite expensive. For those who bury their dead, reserving a plot or a place in a cemetery will be quite important. The availability of plots may be limited in urban areas considering the demand for land. They can be quite expensive too. I am sure advance planning is critical if you have a specific location in mind. At the same time, I have to say that advertisements for plots - "Set on a grassy knoll overlooking a small lake", "Gorgeous trees", "Serene and peaceful with beautiful views" and so on leave me puzzled. I do not see how this is of importance to the departed souls.
The cost associated with burials has given the idea of cremation a boost. And that explains the marketing flyer in my mailbox. A free funeral is certainly valuable in saving money for the family. But how can something be free and pre-paid at the same time? I was intrigued. It is not that one expects logic from such offers. I have seen snack packages that ask you to enter a contest/lottery to win big prizes with the additional phrases 'No purchase necessary' and 'Details inside'. So something like this is par for the course. Still, I wondered how a company would go about trying to get people to buy cremation services. This one succeeded at least in making me open the letter,
The letter talked about why cremation is a better solution than burial - cheaper, less impact on environment, and portable - you can keep the dear departed in an urn on the mantle and take them with you if you move across the country. No need to visit the grave to remember them. And so on. This funeral company invited me to register to win a pre-paid cremation. In other words, 'Sign up and if we pick your name, we will cremate you for free'.
I have to say that they managed to strike the delicate balance required in the tone in the letter. But the accompanying form which invited me to register with them and WIN a pre-paid cremation was disturbing. There was check box with this (and I am not making this up):
"Yes! I want to learn more about pre-need cremation plans".
I can hazard a guess as to what 'pre-need cremation' could be. Scary to say the least. The form also had a picture of a family holding hands in a circle and apparently dancing on the beach. I am not even going to guess what that means. I am going let you figure that one out.All in all, I can definitely say that I got some entertainment out of the grave mailer. The entirely novel idea of pre-need cremation, even if it sounds macabre, gave me a good laugh. Laughter, as the saying goes, is the best medicine and we can use every bit of help to postpone pre-need or post-need cremations. I can also say that in this instance the laugh was delivered both free and pre-paid.
